It’s been three weeks already. Last week I reminded you that BLTs count. That being said, one of my goals was to log every bite, even BLTs. I really wanted to know why I gained last week. I was so good about logging everything. Um, yeah, turns out I was eating like 10 points in Mentos! Yup, fucking Mentos! I never looked at the point value, I just assumed, mistakenly, that they were maybe 1 point for 5 or so. Nope. 1 point each! And I was eating them like, well, candy. The was the end of that. Sugar-free gum time!
This week I am the same weight I started at three weeks ago. But, I am not the same person I was. In the past few weeks I think I’ve gained some valuable knowledge about myself and have grown quite a bit. I have nine more weeks to go. I’m fairly confident that if I continue to apply the things that I learn each week, that I’ll reach my goal. Twenty pounds in 12-weeks has now come to nine. It’s going to take a lot of hard work and dedication, but I’m ready! I’m not letting it get me down. Unless you count “getting down to business”.
I know it’s a slow process. And, if one more person tells me “You didn’t put it on in a day!” I’m going to flip a table…Just sayin.
Ok, all anger and frustration aside, I am trying to keep a positive front. To stop and smell the flowers. It’s a journey. For me, and for many of you, a lifelong one. It’s hard. It’s frustrating. And frankly, it sucks. But, it is what it is. So we’ll deal with it. Together. At my age, lately I feel like I’m 100, I think it may be time to embrace who I am.
LumpsCurves and all. It’s time I’m a little nicer to the woman in the mirror. I say things to myself that I would never, ever say to my daughter. Or another human being actually. Do you find yourself doing that?
Sometimes I listen to “Mean” by Tailor Swift when I’m exercising and as she is singing about being bullied by a critic, I am singing to those nasty voices in my head. We all have them but how we respond to them is what makes us grow, or wither, as the case may be. I allow myself to be trampled on constantly. I don’t know why that is, but it is. Whenever I look in the mirror. Whenever the house isn’t clean enough or when I’m late or, well you get the picture. I hear it and I speak it all the time.
I am by far, my own worst enemy. But here’s the thing, as my kids get older I worry about what I’m teaching them. If you’re a mom who struggles with negative body image or low self-esteem, how do you teach your children to love themselves just the way they are, if you can’t? I remember when Nina was really little and she stood on the scale and immediately started seething. She wasn’t mad at the the number, she had no idea what numbers even were, but she mimicked what I did, pretty much every time I stepped on the scale. That was an eye opening experience. And now at age 10, I still see it. I picked her up from school one day and told her she had to have a physical. Immediately she welled up with tears and said she was afraid to step on the scale because the doctor may have “bad things to say”.
It’s just a number
“It’s just a number, baby. It’s only one small part of a healthy, fit body. And it isn’t something you need to focus on”. I said that while fighting back my own tears. It was hard for me to see her struggling with that. That very same struggle I had at her age. Things are different now. Bullies seem meaner. They fight dirty. There are so many ways and outlets to be cruel, thank you social media. I can honestly say I don’t remember any of my friends ever being mean to me about my weight. I didn’t need anyone to do it for me. I was my own bully. And many years later, I am still fighting that bully in the playground.
Well, this past week I put on the gloves and am trying a different way to deal with that asshole. I’m going to kill em with kindness. Something I’ve never tried. It’s going to take some effort, but I’m giving it a shot. What do I have to lose? Nothing else has worked! At least my kids will hear me. When I tell them that weight is only a number and that being physically active and eating good food is what’s important, I’ll be leading by example.
Today I looked in the mirror and said to myself “I got this”. It felt weird. I think it will take some time to start believing it, but I’ll keep trying.
You got this!
Today I want you look in the mirror and say something nice. Then do it again, and again. Until it comes naturally.